In a relationship, honesty is one of the most important components. If you aren’t honest with your partner, you’re betraying their trust, even if they don’t find out about it. Relationships need a foundation of trust and respect, and being dishonest erodes that foundation.
Sometimes people are dishonest with their partners so they won’t hurt the partner’s feelings. I don’t mean things like “Sure, that dress looks great” when it doesn’t. I mean saying things about your relationship or your feelings that are untrue, or making promises you don’t intend to or know you won’t be able to keep. When you love someone, you don’t want to hurt them, but finding out that one’s partner has been dishonest can hurt far more than the truth would have.
Of course, sometimes dishonesty is intentional. You’re trying to cover up something you don’t want your partner to know about because they’ll get angry, or they might leave, or you don’t respect them enough to admit what you’ve done wrong. Sometimes you just don’t care about their feelings; it’s more important to hide the truth than it is to face the consequences.
Regardless of the intention behind dishonesty, when someone learns that their partner has been dishonest, it hurts. And it can destroy a relationship. If someone has lied to you, you can’t know for sure whether other things they say are true or not. If they’ve lied once, they might lie again. Worse, if the dishonesty was about the relationship itself, you’re left wondering whether the entire thing has been based on lies. Whether you ever mattered to your partner in the first place.
There are times when being dishonest is a matter of safety, particularly in an abusive relationship. If you believe you’re in danger, then yeah, do what you need to do in order to keep yourself from being hurt or killed.
But this post is about the dishonesty that serves no real purpose. If you’re in a relationship with someone you say you love, part of that love, in my opinion, should be respecting them enough to be honest no matter what. We all hide some things, but when you know the other person would be hurt if they learned the truth, how do you think they’d feel if they not only found out the truth but also found out you’d lied?
Keep your partner’s trust. Keep their respect. Be honest.