Life is stressful. No question about that.
I have depression and anxiety disorder, which I don’t make a secret about because I’m sick of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses. A stigma I’ve engaged in myself, mostly aimed at me. I can accept someone else having a mental illness, but when I get depressed or anxious, I start wondering why I can’t “just get over it.” And why I’m so weak, and whiny, and whatever.
Of course, those thoughts are a component of the illnesses. Vicious circle.
The problem is that when my life hits a stressful patch, whether it’s family-related, or financial, or whatever, those illnesses sometimes impact how I handle things. Mostly, I do handle them. My past has taught me that it doesn’t matter how I’m feeling, I have to put on the face and do what everyone else needs me to do, and screw whether I’m okay.
My past–or the people in it–also taught me that if there’s stress, it’s because I’ve done something wrong and deserve the bad stuff.
This is kind of a dark, sad post, and I’m not sorry about that. Because the thing is, this is how having a mental illness works sometimes. Sometimes you get stuck in the dark, sad mire of your illness, and the only way to claw yourself out of it is to let others know where you are. Even if they don’t care. Even if they insult you for it. Just bringing those thoughts, stresses, fears, etc. out of the darkness sometimes helps.
I know I’m far from the only person who deals with stress, or who has mental illness, or who gets stuck in the mire.
Just remember when you hit those times… you’ve been there before. And every single time, you’ve survived it, and things have improved.
You’ll survive this time too. And things will improve this time. Because even if you can’t tell the future, you can see the past, and the fact that every single time before has ended and things have gotten better means that odds are pretty damn good that will be the case this time as well.
So hang in there, and remember you aren’t alone. There’s a light. (“Over at the Frankenstein place”, maybe? Sorry, had to make a bad joke to lighten the mood.)