As you probably know if you’re reading this blog, I write a lot about characters who have experienced abuse or other trauma, or who have just lost their belief in love–especially in their own lives. Many of my characters, when they find “the one” (or more than one, in a few books…), struggle to trust each other.
Trust is not easy. I’m the first to admit that, in my “real” life, I find it difficult to trust others. Unfortunately, this difficulty comes from many experiences where someone I managed to trust has betrayed that trust. And because of it, I struggle in romantic relationships. I’m usually waiting for my partner to show me I can’t trust them, or I sabotage or flat-out end the relationship so that I’m hurt on *my* terms instead of theirs. Believe me, this is not a pleasant way to live!
In relationships, trust issues can have a big negative impact. If someone is consistently patient with you, keeps their word, and is honest, but you’re braced for them to change, they’ll probably realize you don’t fully trust them. Without trust, a relationship is difficult, if not nearly impossible, to maintain. It isn’t fair for the person who has given you every reason to trust them to still experience your distrust. And it isn’t really fair for you to constantly wait for them to prove you right. If you expect to be hurt, you’re probably going to be hurt.
No matter what you’ve been through in your life, trusting someone else enough to let them be in your life and your heart can be a scary thing. If you’ve had negative or traumatic experiences in past relationships, giving your trust to someone else can be downright terrifying. But if you have someone who wants to be in your life, who has worked to earn your trust and has shown you they won’t betray it, you owe it to *yourself* to be open. You don’t owe *them* anything, but you deserve to be loved and treated well, and that means you deserve to give yourself the chance to experience that.