Since you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably noticed that the tagline for this site is “Open Your Heart.” I’ve talked a little about that in past blogs, but it has a slightly more personal meaning for me right now.
To be honest, there’s always been a personal note to it. I’ve had some hugely negative experiences in past relationships (which I’ve also discussed in other blog posts, as well as other venues, so I won’t get into it right now). Being able to let someone new into my heart several years ago when I met my husband was scary as hell. It was much safer to keep my heart closed, my guard up, and my true self hidden.
But over time, I did open my heart to him. With a lot of support and patience from him. And for the most part it’s been well worth it. Of course things aren’t always wonderful and magical with him. What marriage is? But if I’d never been willing to open myself up to possibilities after my first marriage ended, I wouldn’t have the man I have now, who has continued to be supportive and patient even when things aren’t great.
Right now, things are good with him. But a few weeks ago, a very close friend, someone I’d put more trust in than anyone else I know (yes, including Hubby), was dishonest with me and broke a very important promise. Because of the level of trust I had with him, that betrayal was a lot harder to deal with than it would have been from most people. Which means that it’s hard to trust anyone else right now.
As tends to happen often in my life, as soon as I decided that I was going to batten down the hatches and not deal with anyone other than Hubby and my kids, I randomly met someone who has the potential to become a good friend. If I can open my heart enough to let him. It isn’t any less scary to do that now than it was when I met Hubby, but it might be just as worth it.