Tag: grief

Tough Time of Year

Posted on by karennacolcroft

At this time of year, a lot of people post about how wonderful the holidays are. They fill Facebook and other social media with pictures of decorations, dinners, family and friends. And for some people, the holidays really are wonderful.

For others, they aren’t. This can be a very difficult time of year for some people, for various reasons. There might be estrangement from family members. Loss of loved ones. Not coping well with the increased amount of darkness for those of us in the northern hemisphere. For all kinds of reasons, this can be a tough time of year.

For me, this year, it’s very tough. I’m not going to go into why, because it isn’t something I want to talk about publicly at this point. I am managing, to some extent. I have some support from people in my life, including my therapist. After the first of the year when things reopen on regular schedules, I’ll be getting additional help to cope with what’s going on. But it’s difficult and painful, and it’s making this season not…something I want to celebrate this year.

I am thankful to my kids and spouse, and to the friends who know the situation who’ve been checking in with me. I am not the person who is most heavily impacted by what’s going on, but I am impacted, and it helps to have that validated.

I’m also thankful to the people who have no idea what’s going on and don’t even know me, who are bringing me bits of joy. Someone bought a copy of one of my nonfiction channeling books (written as River Lightbearer). Someone else bought a copy of one of my children’s fiction books (written as Kim Ramsey-Winkler). Someone emailed me in response to my announcement of the Tempeh for Two release date telling me how much she loves the Real Werewolves Don’t Eat Meat series and that she can’t wait for this next book.

At this time of year, to those of you for whom it truly is a wonderful time of year, I’m sincerely happy for you, and I hope you cherish what you have. For those who are struggling, be kind to yourselves. Don’t force the “holiday cheer” if it isn’t there for you. Honor how you feel and what you need. And for everyone: Remember that you don’t know what someone else is dealing with. Be compassionate, and don’t underestimate the power of what seems like a tiny gesture.

Yule (Winter Solstice) is imminent here in the northern hemisphere. Darkness will begin to ebb; light will become more prevalent. And hopefully things will become easier.

Skipping This Week

Posted on by karennacolcroft

Yes, I’m doing a blog post saying that I’m skipping doing a blog post… Because making sense is not part of being a writer, at least in my case. I have quite a few things going on this week, including trying to make the cover for Fill the Empty Spaces, which would be going much more easily if the developers of the GIMP program would fix the known bug that’s causing me to be unable to use one of the program functions I need…

Anyway, so I’ll be spending my day dealing with that, because there’s now less than a month until Fill the Empty Spaces goes up for preorder! I hope your August has gone well and that you have an easy transition into September.

This is the picture I’ve chosen to represent Del, the main character of Fill the Empty Spaces, though I might change my mind between now and the time I actually finish the cover…

I Finished!

Posted on by karennacolcroft

Last week, I finished writing Fill the Empty Spaces! I thought I’d finished this back in last March, but when I sat down to edit it a few weeks ago, the characters and I agreed that the story needed to continue a little longer. So I started working on a continuation.

It wasn’t easy. Sometimes I wasn’t entirely sure where the story was going, and Del Nethercott, the narrator, wasn’t being especially helpful. And I kind of wanted to work on something else, something new, so I was being a bit oppositional as the author. But we got there eventually.

As originally written, the story was not a romance. There was no happily-ever-after or even happy-for-now at the end; instead, there was “Del isn’t ready for a relationship yet but when he is, Lochlan will be waiting.” A hopeful ending, sealed with a kiss, but not a typical romance ending. Which made sense to me. The story begins a month after Del lost his long-term partner, Austin. Although the book spans several months, Del and Austin had been together for over twenty years, and Del’s grief is deep. By the end of the story, he knows he’s falling for Lochlan, but he isn’t ready to move on to a new relationship yet. Hence the kiss and the hopeful ending.

The extension of the story changes that by continuing the story for another month. By the end of the book, nearly six months have passed since Austin’s death. Del is still grieving, but he’s had a bit more time to process losing Austin and to consider what he truly wants with Lochlan. The story as it is now ends with a more heated kiss and a declaration of love on both sides, along with the agreement that while they’re going to take things slowly, they are now in a relationship. This book does not include any sex, so those who are looking for high heat and searing sex scenes might not be pleased, but a sex scene didn’t feel true to either character.

Fill the Empty Spaces is scheduled for release on October 13. The image below is NOT the actual cover; it’s just what I used as inspiration and a place-holder when posting about the book online.

When the Characters Take Over

Posted on by karennacolcroft

Several weeks ago, I finished writing the first draft of a new novel called Fill the Empty Spaces. This novel started as a way of processing the passing of my mother at the beginning of December; although she and I didn’t have the best relationship, the realization that she was no longer around hit harder than I’d thought it would. Through much of my life, until my writing brain stopped functioning in 2015, writing was how I processed, how I coped, and sometimes how I kept myself alive. Although I didn’t write much of anything for six years, now that I’ve started writing again, it has once again become one of my ways of dealing with and understanding life. And, in this case, death.

(This isn’t the final cover, it’s just something I’m using to keep myself in the story’s mindset.)

When I started writing Fill the Empty Spaces, I didn’t know it would turn out to be a novel. I thought I was writing a short story. But Del Nethercott, the main character/narrator, had other ideas. So did Lochlan Moroney, the character who becomes Del’s close friend and possible love interest. At the beginning of the story, Del is only about a month past losing his longterm partner Austin, who was killed by a drunk driver. The last thing Del’s thinking about is a new relationship; he’s barely functioning day to day, and his grief over Austin consumes him. The story extends through a few months, until four or five months after Austin’s death, and we witness Del’s healing–though of course he’s still grieving–and the beginning and blossoming of his connection with Lochlan. At the beginning, I thought Spaces would turn out to be contemporary; Lochlan threw a metaphysical/paranormal loop into the story that wound up being a key part of the story. And so the “short story” became a novel.

As I said, several weeks ago, I finished the first draft of Spaces. Or so I thought. To be honest, when I said, “The end,” I wasn’t actually certain it was. I’d reached a point in the story where it felt like I could stop and hold something over for a follow-up book, probably from Lochlan’s point of view.  The story didn’t end with a “happily ever after” or even really with a “happy for now.” It ended with “Del, you aren’t ready for a relationship, so let’s stay friends until you *are* ready and then see what happens.” The book as I ended it at that point was not a romance (nor did I intend to say it was; I was very clear in talking about it that it was a novel with romantic undertones).

This past week, I started editing the manuscript. I’d done some editing as I worked on the first draft; I didn’t do much plotting or brainstorming before I started writing, so some of the things I put in the story didn’t work or dragged down the pacing too much to remain, so I’d yoinked those as part of writing the first draft. But there was still work to do.

By the time I reached the end of what I’d written, though, I knew I had to continue the story. Ending it with Del and Lochlan agreeing that they would enter a relationship when Del reached a point in his grieving process that he could handle having a new partner was good, but it wasn’t where Del and Lochlan wanted to end the book. So I finished editing what I’d written and started writing more.

As it stands now, two days into the process of continuing the story, I don’t know where Del and Lochlan want to end up. I’d like to see the book end with them in a relationship, but that’s going to depend on how Del’s grief and healing progress. And with what happens to each of them in the meantime. It’s been a long time since I started writing a book with the mindset of “let’s see where this goes,” and I’m enjoying doing it again, even if these two guys do keep throwing wrenches into the process.

Fill the Empty Spaces is currently planned for release on October 12 of this year. I’ll keep you updated!